[BratscheWarrior]

Have you read the little story on the Cleargreen site for the new workshop? In case you haven't, here it is. When Carlos Castaneda asks about freedom, ask yourself (after reading the whole thing of course), "Am i really free?"

The nagual Carlos Castaneda, Florinda Donner-Grau and two apprentices were at a local eatery having lunch. A romantic song, a ranchera was playing in the background and Carlos Castaneda, smiling, said: "Great omen! Let's talk about love. That's what all of us want, isn't it? We want luuuuuuve."
The apprentices giggled, and squirmed in their chairs.
"C'mon put it on the table," the nagual continued. "You'll never be free if you don't. But first we have to know what our story is. We want to be free to feel what true love is, affection without investment."
He turned to the young woman. "You've been recapitulating a great deal. What do you think is your story?"
"Well, I did all I could to try to please men, so they would love me. My mother did the same. One example was with one man, I did everything for him. I cooked for him, I did all the housecleaning, "I tried to please him sexually," she said in a whisper to Florinda, then she raised her voice again. "I even paid some of his bills. And he left anyway..."
"That happened to me," interrupted the young man.
"Really?" the nagual said. "Tell us."
"Well, there was this woman; I realize now that we were really made for each other�I really loved her. I even showed my feelings to her; and it was not enough. She left me! I couldn't believe it."
"Why did she leave?" the nagual asked, eyes sparkling.
"I don't really know�she never"�
Just then, there was a shattering sound behind the young man, the sound of glass breaking at a nearby table, and a woman's voice: "You've got to be kidding! You've got another woman and you expect me to stay with you? When were you gonna tell me?"
The man who was sitting at the table with her responded defensively, "Look, you've got to understand, I didn't tell you because I was thinking of you, I just wanted to protect you."
Suddenly the woman realized the whole restaurant was looking, and rushed out crying.
The two apprentices were open-mouthed. Florinda's eyes were beaming.
"Whoa," the nagual said quietly, as the people in the restaurant tried to resume their lunches. "Fighting to defend our secrets. Whoo,"�he said, giving a shiver.
"So," he said, returning his attention to the young male apprentice, "is there anything you are leaving out of your story?"
"Well, I had other women, but my girlfriend didn't need to know that! "Hunh!" the nagual grunted. "And you call that love?"
The young man seemed not to hear. "My father did the same, and my grandfather before him! And my mother and grandmother seemed to accept it. It runs in the family! Anyway, nagual, isn't that what freedom is about? Getting past the noxious aspects of socialization, not being tied down?"
"Ay, you're very clever, caballero," the nagual said. "Clever for yourself. Yes, freedom is getting past the noxious aspects of socialization, like hiding, or trying to manipulate other people, or assuming you're entitled to get out of certain responsibilities because of your gender; if you perceive energy directly, which is what don Juan said that freedom is, it will lead you to perceive and participate in the evolutionary aspects of socialization, such as cultivating a finely tuned awareness of your impact on others."
"How could freedom be self-serving?" he continued. "That's slavery�a nightmare. Freedom is freedom from judgment, freedom from our socialized expectations, not freedom from responsibilities; in fact, I'm sorry to tell you, freedom brings new responsibilities�you are more aware, therefore you cannot hide from what you know�and integrity requires you to act on that new knowledge. A warrior-traveler is willing to put his life on the line to act and communicate in a way that honors the Spirit�in himself and in others."
"What you were doing," he continued, "is not freedom; it's imitating the worst aspects of your lineage, such as keeping secrets to further your own agenda. And it's not just men doing this; they find women who like to go along with this, even support it, true Florinda?"
"True!" Florinda said. "Women who cater to men who don't want to commit, making excuses for them, settling for a few crumbs of affection, because they feel unworthy of real affection�like in your story, true?" she said to the young woman.
"True," she replied.
"Or women who expect the man to take care of them," Florinda continued, "because they think they're not capable of doing that themselves�and then they want to blame the man for not making them happy! Or we have women who are trying to act like men, making conquests. Or trying to steal someone else's man. And in all these cases, they are giving their power away to men, and fighting to defend their right to do so!"
"Does any of this sound like freedom to you?" the nagual asked.
"No it doesn't," the apprentices mumbled.
"Freedom is our birthright," the nagual continued, "and yet it has to be earned, by polishing our links with our lineage, so that we can embody and evolve its excellent parts. As it is, you're trapped in the fixed assemblage point of the human form: the glossed-over parts of your inheritance."
"Don Juan told me that if we want to get out of this fixation, we have to stop wasting the best energy we have, energy from here," the nagual said, making a sweeping gesture that indicated the area below his navel all the way down to his feet. "The lower disks! We use this energy to hide, to seek comfort, to struggle for power, or to feel overpowered�whatever is familiar, whatever makes us feel certain, or secure�and above all, whatever keeps us from questioning our acts."
He paused and looked at the apprentices intently.
"Don Juan said that a thorough recapitulation of our stories related to the area of the lower disks can free us from the human form, and lead us instead to embody human possibility�the sublime essence of our lineage, of human beings," he continued. "It can bring us the energy and the awareness to ask, without judging anybody: 'Am I living the dream, or the nightmare, of my lineage? Am I nightmaring alone? Or am I dreaming with it�with infinity, with the Spirit.'"