[Lilac]

I know how much energy i waste when i  try to explain/defend myself (my actions and ideas). Most of the time it's futile and only  serves the remnants of my self importance.

This is really important issue to me, because time and time again I have banged my head against the wall in all this explaining/defending theme. After all the occasions I have defended my ego in war of words I have always felt myself stupid and rotten human being after the war is over. I have always wondered how on Earth all silly things start to be so damn important. I guess mind can't tell the difference of words and action. If somebody comes to you and tries to murder you, then it's ok to defend yourself to the bitter end, but if all that comes to you are mere words, then what is so particularly important in words that one can come so annoyed...?

I can't go on living hating people, hating myself... Mostly nagualism to me is about behaviour. I don't know for sure wether there is "freedom", but do I really have to be this idiot I am? Of course I will always be an idiot, but I want to learn to not take it so seriously.

:lol: