10-10-2006, 09:34 PM
Tee hee... It's quite easy to be smart and still not be wise... Wise people act as they preach, I only put words together and look I'm a guru...
For some time now I have wondered what is this strong urge in me to be Somebody. When I really start to think that it doesn't matter what people think and say about me and what they say right at to my face, there's always this strange thing: "but I have to make them sure that I'm special, able, smart, a good writer... what ever..." If I just try to think THE HELL WITH THEM ALL, I always start to feel a kind of fear of death. I can't really explane it! My reason tells me that amongst all these billions of people I can't possible have any meaning as a human being or as a living being, and still... Still there's that ego whining about BE THIS BE THAT DON'T LET ME DIE.
Yes, it's a nightmare.
***
Luckily it's not winter yet... I live in southern Finland and there are still green and yellow leaves in trees. Beautifull.
When I was child the temperature at winter could be as low or lower as -20 degrees of Celcius, but it seems winters are getting warmer and warmer over the years. Global warming I guess.
For some time now I have wondered what is this strong urge in me to be Somebody. When I really start to think that it doesn't matter what people think and say about me and what they say right at to my face, there's always this strange thing: "but I have to make them sure that I'm special, able, smart, a good writer... what ever..." If I just try to think THE HELL WITH THEM ALL, I always start to feel a kind of fear of death. I can't really explane it! My reason tells me that amongst all these billions of people I can't possible have any meaning as a human being or as a living being, and still... Still there's that ego whining about BE THIS BE THAT DON'T LET ME DIE.
Yes, it's a nightmare.
***
Luckily it's not winter yet... I live in southern Finland and there are still green and yellow leaves in trees. Beautifull.
When I was child the temperature at winter could be as low or lower as -20 degrees of Celcius, but it seems winters are getting warmer and warmer over the years. Global warming I guess.