[Lilac]

In a normal dream I was in university and got disappointed about a professor. After him I met another one, and first there was several people lying on the floor going to have a sleep in a class room. Then it was morning and there was this professor only. I made kind of danced around making moves with a stick (from broom?) and then I tried to conversate with the man who was about to wake up. He started to be just as annoying as the first one, and I left him too.

Suddenly there was this young man (I was a young woman) who came with me to the cafeteria of the university. He was cute in the style I like in a man: boyish looking. Had dark hair and unshaven jaw. I said to him that I'm drawn to him and he has energy that holds me. I thought in my head that it would be kind of exciting to have a relationship where there would be no sexual "fullfilment" ever (because it ruines always everything!) All the time he acted innocent and like he would know nothing about any sexual flavor in our meeting, and so I said "have you been living in a monastery?" and left. I wasn't mad or disappointed, although I was curious would he come after me. He didn't.

There was some other things that happened in that dream but I try to make this all a short story... Anyway I woke up and felt necessary to write that dream down. I felt that that young man was kind of "my own Carlos Castaneda" and I was his "Florinda Donner-Grau" - although we weren't actually them. We were our own interpretations about people like them.

After that I went to sleep and had quite annoying dream about an older woman who talked about sex to me and started to act much too fresh with me. I left her and went outside and saw naked women rolling over a street into a watery ditch next to the road.

And then I was aware. I guess it has been almost a year since the last time!

I looked down to my legs and saw that they were fat and I was having a skirt and high heel shoes. I tried to intent my legs thinner, no use. I was in the university again and I decided to look for my nagual man. I decided to call him Jean-Michel. I walked along the passages, there were many people there but I tried not to get into details. I touched the wall and I guess that was a major mistake, because soon after that I saw nothing, everything went black in my eyes. I tried to concentrate to feeling sensations with the walls, so that I wouldn't loose my awareness.

Somehow I managed to get my vision back and I went outside. There was autumn and there were big leafy trees. And an odd big monster standing on the ground. It didn't move and I'm not sure anymore how did it look like, but I think it was mostly a mixture of several animals.

I found "Jean-Michel", although he looked different than in my normal dream earlier. I felt puzzled wether he was really him, and he looked me puzzled and obwiusly thought wether I'm me or not. He told me to kneel before him, and that was because he wanted to examine me somehow. He looked at me or my energy field or something like that, and I felt a bit sorry in my mind that I'm not really young (which is what I looked like in dream and in Dream). Not saying anything he stopped and went to a building nearby. I followed, and saw that in the building there were solders from the ages about 200 years ago. Jean-Michel was talking with one of them. Everything was in black and white, and I started to think am I really aware.

The Dream ended.

***

The funny thing is that lots of years ago I saw a (normal) dream where I got together with Jean-Luc Picard and his crew from Enterprise. Somehow Picard was also Don Juan, and after a dinner party he accepted me into his aprentice, although he felt puzzled about me somehow. I guess it was because I was a bit mad.

Of course I don't believe that I'm actually Don Juan's aprentice! And I don't think there is any nagual for me, old or new. But it's interesting how both of these dream-naguals are "Jeans". I have nothing to do with French or France. (And come to think of it, in one dream where I was in a space ship having a kind of psychical test and saw "living toys"... After the test I went a bit mad and sang Alouette which is a French song.)

Lately I'm been feeling too much frustration and isolation to concider myself being satisfied to be a solo wanna-be witch. Maby this "my own nagual man Dream" is about that.

:lol:

[ensonar]

Or maybe... you should just start wearing jeans more often

[Lilac]

I mostly use trousers. High heels - almost never. And I'm not fat at all, funny that the Dream wanted my legs to be. But HEUREKA, it might mean that I should be more grounded, more reasonable. (High heels: more feminine?)

So that if one can have good advices from Dreams... Can one...

Every time there has been something interesting going on my dreams or Dreams, I have gotten a bit crazy in dream, or aggressive. Once a young woman crasped my left arm and I got angry and let her know that if she won't let me be alone I might hit her. I have been sorry for this, because it could had been a rare moment to test wether I could really meet a real person in my dream or Dream. For some time in my Dreams I used to ask people all the time are you real are you real, and some of them said they were, but they weren't.

:mellow:

[jonian]

it' s a very interesting dream, i' m sure you will meet this figure again if you really want

[Lilac]

I would love to...

[amos]

In the 'old days' they had no choice, it was hard to learn warriorship and get into knowledge without a guide/teacher. Today, if one was able to stay sane after all those million gurus, books and workshops, then, a serious person doesn't need a nagual or a teacher, just need to pick up the best instruction manual there is - that what Castaneda wrote and left for us. Read it, follow it, live it (and shut up... the internal and external chatter, i mean...) :blink: :blink: :blink: :blink: :blink:

[Lilac]

Yes. Personally I don't feel any need for a leader. Sometimes, though, I think that one shouldn't cling on to anything, not even to solitudenes. I guess many are like CC was in his book Active Side of Infinity, unable to leave people behind. He had to fight for that he wouldn't mind if he's alone or with somebody. I myself am the opposite to him that I've always been a loner, so what's not easy to me is to be with people. In the end the same outcome should be for me too: not to care if I'm with people or if I'm alone.

A good leader is fine for trying to handle self importance. It's fine if one really feels no need for guidance, but if one tries to avoid situations where one could feel that s/he's not so important as s/he would like to be, then the leaders are feared because of ego is feeling threated.

But I guess there's no nagual-leaders any more... Maby the time of leaders is over and we are all on our own. We can see the good and bad sides in that. Nobody else is going to leed us to astray. It's about us ourselves. Nobody to blaim to, but us.

[amos]

You make me think, i hate/love it.
First, i think that to 'need' to be 'with' people or 'without' them, is something we become, not born with, and for whatever reason. I myself was not a classic loner, but enjoyed, and many times, preferred to be alone. People will not like you for that, they want you to NEED them, their companionship, their 'help' etc. They will not forgive you for being able to survive and be happy without them...
You are just much stronger, that's all.

I don't know how long you have been exposed to the wisdom that Castaneda let us share, but i'm fairly new to that (a year and a half or so), and now i find myself UNABLE to be with the 'normal' people. Yes, i have to interact for my livelihood, but that's why we have Controlled Folly... (well, i lie a bit, sometimes, willfully i'm dragged into the other world...).

I think that a teacher is very very important and very very helpful; i was longing for one too; but, where do you find one? I guess one has to be very careful where he/she puts energy. People are wasting years to look for a guru in India or in Ixtlan...
I remember in high-school, i used to break into my school at night and steal/copy the exam for the next week. If i only spent half of the time and energy i used on breaking into the school, into studying, i would have gotten the highest marks in every test. But, it was so much fun, i even did it in college...

As i see it now, the only reason to live with a companion, (beside making life a little easier with synergy), is to mutually serve as a teacher to each other; be a honest mirror to each other. Well, to find a real friend/partner/lover like that is much harder than finding a nagual...
And, it is a lot of fun living alone, free as a bird. I'm looking around at the 'normal' plastic American people with plastic smiles, surrounded with so many plastic friends; and they are all so lonely and miserable... :angry: :angry: :o :o

[Lilac]

Well, I was a loner and mostly am still, but I do have a partner. He's not so much into nagualism, but not against it either, and that's the most important thing. Although it's obvious that in some way we share energy (sometimes I read his thoughs or he reads mine and things like that), I'm very fond of to doing things on my own. Personally I think that too much togethernes can be the end for a relationship.

And yes, a partner can be sometimes a little tyrant, and sometimes a scout for you and sometimes even a guru. It's really about that where the energy is put and what is needeed.

I love my partner, but if we ever part, I know I will just keep on living my life and being myself. He's not a half of me and I'm not a half of him. That is very important to remember.

Thinking about the CC's stories: the warriors were indepentend to have their own destinies; nagual Julian's party didn't go to the other world together, and somebody (was it Taisha Abelar or Florinda Donner-Grau???) told that a couple of the woman warriors of don Juan's party didn't go with don Juan.

We as people make alliances, but it shouldn't drain us. Starting and ending a relationship should be for the necessity, not because it's somehow easier to be with just somebody, or to be alone. The easiest way isn't always the best way to learn and experience.

[amos]