08-18-2006, 11:44 PM
I used to hate lies and liars. then I discovered the usefulness and purpose behind stalking/controlled folly. The switchover in me was very quick and easy for the most part.
The thing that I used to hate about "liars" was that they lied either to try and inflate their ego or to hide negative things about themselves.
However, stalking is more like loosening the rules that society has placed upon us and that we have placed upon ourselves. My parents gave me a name when I was born. Does that make it "my" name? Legal documents say that I am such-and-such age. Does that truly mean that I am that age? I know for a fact that I am at times younger and older than people the same legal age as me. And this line of reasoning goes on and on to many other aspects of our lives. It is the expectations of others and the expectations we place upon knowing certain "facts" that is causing the problem.
One issue that has come to the front with me recently is the "hiding" aspect of all this. It seems like Carlos put a great effort throughout his life of remaining hidden for the most part. I too have followed that mode for quite some time. However, one quote that has always stuck with me from one of the female warrior's books (either Florinda or Taisha). It goes something like this...
"Don't lie to be believed. Lie for the sheer pleasure of it."
I feel that this part of stalking has really come to the surface for me recently. I've tried to hide my past, my age, and many other things for a long time. At certain points I felt that I would be devastated if those "facts" were ever discovered by the current people in my life.
But recently some of my past has come back around to me. And in dealing with that, I made the realization, that it doesn't matter at all. I will still tell people whatever I want to tell them if I am asked. But if it is discovered that I'm "lying"...
Who cares!
I'm going to die anyway. None of it matters in the end. I'd rather spend my time enjoying the world
The thing that I used to hate about "liars" was that they lied either to try and inflate their ego or to hide negative things about themselves.
However, stalking is more like loosening the rules that society has placed upon us and that we have placed upon ourselves. My parents gave me a name when I was born. Does that make it "my" name? Legal documents say that I am such-and-such age. Does that truly mean that I am that age? I know for a fact that I am at times younger and older than people the same legal age as me. And this line of reasoning goes on and on to many other aspects of our lives. It is the expectations of others and the expectations we place upon knowing certain "facts" that is causing the problem.
One issue that has come to the front with me recently is the "hiding" aspect of all this. It seems like Carlos put a great effort throughout his life of remaining hidden for the most part. I too have followed that mode for quite some time. However, one quote that has always stuck with me from one of the female warrior's books (either Florinda or Taisha). It goes something like this...
"Don't lie to be believed. Lie for the sheer pleasure of it."
I feel that this part of stalking has really come to the surface for me recently. I've tried to hide my past, my age, and many other things for a long time. At certain points I felt that I would be devastated if those "facts" were ever discovered by the current people in my life.
But recently some of my past has come back around to me. And in dealing with that, I made the realization, that it doesn't matter at all. I will still tell people whatever I want to tell them if I am asked. But if it is discovered that I'm "lying"...
Who cares!
I'm going to die anyway. None of it matters in the end. I'd rather spend my time enjoying the world