[ryan]

After I recapitulate I feel heavy and important. It's disheartening because I've worked hard to cultivate my mood. This importance carries over into my daily interactions and the shift is dramatic. Upon seeing glimpses of my true self, I don't feel so confident. Upon realizing that I still have loads of self-importance it causes me to doubt my judgment. Please help with your experences and advice. :blink:

[Lilac]

I haven't really done serious recapitulation (lately I tried and got my neck hurting and had an awfull headache for days...) but I had an idea that what if you should focus in recapitulation more into other people and less into yourself? Listen what people say, see what they do. Don't get much into "how do/did I feel, what did/do I think".

Just an idea...

[ensonar]

Recapitulation has never made me feel heavy and important. I would assume that it might be causing this feeling in you either because you aren't breathing in (calling back) the energy that you left behind, and breathing out (releasing) the energy that others have left in you... or because the feeling of "confidence" that you have cultivated in yourself before the recapitulation may be flawed in some way. It may in fact just be another level of self importance that the recapitulation is helping you to dissolve. But these are just my assumptions, I could be way off.

When I do the recapitulation, I tend to see it as a very fulfilling experience. I see and feel the light, colors, sounds and smells of the room or area that I'm recapitulating, and I breath in the energy of things that I didn't really pay attention to when I previously lived the experience. And it is like the energy of sun filling my entire body. Then I breathe out the feelings that I recieved from whoever I was with at the time. I try not to judge the situation, I just breathe out every part of them. Each of these interactions have in some way created the person that I've become, and I am grateful that I was able to share moments with these people and then I let them go. Regardless if I let them go in the recapitulation or at the moment of death, I will without question, have to let them go.

I intend it to be a positive experience. I intend it to be fullfilling. And it is. But it takes practice.

[ryan]

It's funny, I so wanted people to "tell me like it is" because I thought I could apply it immediatly, (and that's a big I). I was procrastinating on the recapitulation and I thought it was because I wanted to be "authentic" in doing it. I know now the real reason was I didn't want to look inside. Thanks ensonar. I wasn't trying to be a warrior I was a wanna be sorcerer. I didn't want to face the fact the I'm probably not another Don Juan, and for all I know maybe I'm a crappy warrior. This has made me re-think everything because I realized that my main modivation for beginning this path was self-importance. Is that what DonJuan meant when he said that there was no volunteers allowed?That teaches me a few things. I used my progress in dreaming and my ability to anaylze social interactions as validation on my progress in warring against self-importance, but I was just nibbling around the edges of the Gigantic idea of myself as the smartest, most wisest, channel of the spirit. And it was hard to let go!! You'd think something so obviously wrong and irrelevant would be easy. Now everything feels different, but at the same time it feels like having to start over again. The quote by "someone rather"; "Everone is ambitious, either to be or to do", makes since. I'm going to try to do my best, for a chance, instead of trying to be the best.

[Lilac]

...I realized that my main modivation for beginning this path was self-importance. ...Gigantic idea of myself as the smartest, most wisest, channel of the spirit. ...I'm going to try to do my best, for a chance, instead of trying to be the best.

Wow, I've never heard from a man, not in the Net nor in the real life anything like that. Not a single man to my ears nor eyes EVER has realized or admidded that he has been thinking too much of himself. Every man always takes it for granted that he is the king of kings, semigod...

The arrogance of men is unbeatable.

:lol:

The weakness of women, on the other hand, is a lack of sense of humour.

[Merged]

Women are arrogant just as much. Self-importance is the only thing that drives action. Every thought, every word.

[Lilac]

What makes one act if s/he has no more self importance? The Spirit.

No wonder that many of us feel so empty inside. We have lost the contact to the Spirit.

[Lilac]

I reconcidered my posts and realized that maby I should had mentioned that the arrogance of men and the lack of sense of humour of women are both ways to be self important. Thinking about nagualism I believe we can see differences in sexes, though it's fashionable in the Net to pretend we have no sex at all and are just talking heads...

Where did self importance come from? If we believe there was once cavemen and -women, then one should think about this:

If a cavewoman had children, she would had been very stupid if she would had been just laughing her ass off when her children did something dangerous. If a caveman had to defend his family, he had to feel himself that much important that he trusted himself in battle and he was able to attack beasts and enemies.

The problems arise from that that we don't remember what is the difference between abstract and concrete things. It's ok to defend yourself or your companions when there is a real thread that threatens your life! But when it's all about just communicating, expressing one's ideas, acting with people in non-lifethreatening situations - then the self importance IS just self importance, empty fantasies and energy aimed into wrong situation.

[ensonar]

Don Juan mentioned something almost identical: Protect yourself, but don't defend yourself... or in other words, Protect your body, not your self-image.

And as far as men and women. I think stereo-typing rarely works. I've known some extremely funny women, and some truly humble men. I can't say I've met a person without a trace of self-importance, but that of course, goes for both men and women.

[admin]

Do u rememeber where say that ? I agree completly, but want can show the source.